


aishite

by Anonymous



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, a big fat pile of garbage LMAO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 13:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20292331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: she is perfect. no one else is allowed to be. not even the one she loves most.





	aishite

**Author's Note:**

> self indulging garbage aw ye  
i've been thinking lately, "what if Kaoru was actually super unstable beneath her princely persona?" and i've been jamming out to a lot of vocaloid lately so there you have it  
the plot is heavily based around the english lyrics of Kikuo's [Aishite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTrm_idbhUk), and the title is of course shared lmao  
i kinda just forced this out but i'll probably write more unstable Kaoru in the future

It started when she received her first B in her entire life. She was still young, common mistakes were often made among the children, it was to be expected. Truly, it wasn’t a big deal, nothing to be upset over. Of course she was disappointed when the paper was handed back to her, but it was a first. Who wouldn’t be disappointed? Chisato had insisted that it would be fine.

Those words repeated in her head as they walked home together.  _ It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. It’s not a big deal.  _ Upon arriving at her house, it seemed that Chisato’s parents were already home, casually chatting with her’s about something she didn’t understand. The moment they took notice of the girls’ arrival, they greeted them, and Chisato ran up, waving her paper in the air with a proud expression. A nearly perfect score, with only one question missed.

She could feel their eyes on her. Even if no one else was able to see it, she could. That look in their eyes. The one that only a child prepared for a scolding could sense. Never in the past had they scolded her on grades, but for the first year of school, she did perfect. There was nothing to be scolded about. Today was different. Their words chilled her to the bone, made her nearly melt into a puddle.

_ “How did you do, Kaoru?” _

Her grip on the paper in her hand tightened, not wanting to show. But when her father held out a hand, she instinctively handed it over, not thinking of the consequences. For her, the world was frozen. There was no gentle praise from Chisato’s parents at her side, there were no words spoken from her parents. She had gone deaf in the moment that her father took the paper, and was forcefully pulled back into reality when her parents saw the score. They stared, saying nothing.

She hadn’t noticed when Chisato’s parents excused themselves. She hadn’t noticed when Chisato was saying her goodbyes. She hadn’t noticed the sound of the door opening before closing with a soft  _ click.  _ No, her attention was fully on her parents, who were now staring her down. The look had gotten worse. Her heart swelled within her chest, about to burst, the butterflies in her stomach close to throwing themselves from her throat.

_ “Did you see Chisato’s score?” _

_ “Why couldn’t you get a score like that?” _

_ “No, why couldn’t you have gotten a  _ better  _ grade?” _

_ “Do you want to fail school this early on?” _

** _“What were you thinking, Kaoru?”_ **

There was no physical punishment, but their words stung worse than any slap could have. A dull knife stabbed right to the chest, directly into the center of her heart. Her throat was tightening up — whether that was due to her incessant crying or something else, she wasn’t sure. That night was nothing but crying and studying. A subject so easy that she definitely should have mastered it with no trouble, and yet, here she was.

A pathetic failure of a person.

The solution was quite simple. Be the best. There was no other answer. She had to surpass everyone, even Chisato. She wouldn’t lose to them. She refused to. Fate would not allow it! Even when in her junior high years and she learned of Shakespeare, taking an interest in the theatre, she would not fall behind in class. She would not fall behind in anything, not ever again. She would excel, soar like a phoenix, rising from the ashes!

Everyone knew of her. How could they not? With so many fans that would flock, she was impossible to miss. Their attention, their praise — she thrived off of it. At first, it was only to impress her parents. But as the time passed, she wanted to please  _ more.  _ An audience was not limited to a couple of people. The world was her stage, and she would conquer it with her perfection. There was nothing that would ever make her feel better than to be the one everyone paid the most attention towards.

The feeling in her throat would never be directed towards one person. It simply could not be. When eyes spent less time on her, or the whispers of passerbyers seemed condescending, it tightened. It was slowly choking her. There was no way to keep on living if she could not be viewed as perfect. 

She knew she was better than everyone else. The princely side of her was just an act so that she could have more people crowd around. Caring for others? No, that didn’t matter. She only cared for their opinions. Their opinions kept her on top. The only person close to her status was Udagawa Tomoe, but she could never dream of climbing the lengths that she had. That girl’s popularity was temporary and would soon die off, but not hers. Never hers.

It was when Okusawa Misaki had crossed her path that she felt herself begin to descend. For years, she had told herself that she would never fall for another. Not only would she forbid it, but her heart would not allow it. The tightness would not allow it. She couldn’t be restricted to one person. It was against everything she had built up.

To think highly of another was against the rules. Against everything she had stood for. Everything she had built. There was no smile brighter than her own ( Misaki’s was absolutely stunning, albeit rare ). There was no one more beautiful than she ( Misaki could pull off anything she wore, even that ridiculous bear outfit ). There was no one who could gain more affection than herself ( Misaki was a topic all discussed, whether it be when she’s Michelle or just Misaki ). There was no one in this world more perfect than Seta Kaoru.

( Okusawa Misaki was flawed, but in her eyes, she was the definition of perfect. )

Whether they got along was debatable. Misaki didn’t take a liking to Kaoru’s princely persona, nor her airheaded side. But playing in the same band had definitely drawn them closer. They would even hang out on certain occasions ( only if Misaki invited, or if they  _ happened  _ to run into one another ). From the moment they met, she could feel herself falling, deeper and deeper, drowning below a surface she didn’t remember being there.

They didn’t go to the same school, so silly shenanigans were limited to band practice and the outings. The expression of shock when Misaki saw her waiting behind the school was certainly one that would forever be etched in her brain. She smiled, but it was not returned. Why not? She could feel a scolding walking her way, becoming faster with each step. She had to stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

** _STOP!_ **

Misaki wasn’t allowed to speak before her. No, she had to go first. She had to express her feelings. Perhaps these feelings would loosen the tightness that was draining her of the oxygen she so desperately needed to keep on going. 

“I love you.”

Not only would that shock remain in her memory, but the look of confusion turned to disgust would as well. The confusion, sure, she could understand. But why did Misaki look so absolutely horrified? As if she had said something wrong? She didn’t understand. Oh. Perhaps it was because of the last part?   
  
** _“You, who are so filthy.”_ **

She wasn’t in the wrong. She wasn’t in the wrong when Misaki slapped her. She wasn’t in the wrong when she was told she was the filthy one. She wasn’t in the wrong when her friends and bandmates scolded her.

Friends?

She didn’t have those.

All she had was Okusawa Misaki. Precious Okusawa Misaki. The girl who could cry beautifully when she pulled at the chain around the neck. It was firm, taking Misaki’s breath away every time. They were equals. Seta Kaoru, who would slowly suffocate from the curse that forced her to always be smothered, and Okusawa Misaki, who would eventually die of asphyxiation as Kaoru continued to tighten the chain, jerking and jerking until her lungs collapsed.

This is happiness.


End file.
